Why is that women of today’s world are attracted to the assh*les, the player, the unavailable boy, the “bad” boy, etc.? Is this evidence that chivalry is indeed dead and that the next “best” thing are men who embody qualities of those titles? To simply answer the latter question, no. Chivalry is not dead (life support? I can go for that). What I believe happens is that people are drawn to “attractions of deprivation”, which essentially means that we are attracted to people who can wound us the same way we were wounded in our childhood, as our psyche tries to recreate the past void and save us by changing its ending.
“The child in us believes that if the original perpetrators — or their current replacements — finally change their minds, apologize, or make up for that terrible rupture of trust, we can escape from our prison of unworthiness. Our conscious self is drawn to the positive qualities we yearn for, but our unconscious draws us to the qualities which hurt us the most as children.” – Psychology Today
After gaining some inspiration from friends and their “dates from hell” along with other blogs I’ve ran across, I’ve compiled 10 differences I’ve determined between dating a by vs. a man. Take a look and let me know what you think!
- A man knows knows and understands the concept of “work hard play harder” who can be social and go out, but is often busy making strides in his career and building his life. A boy is getting drunk at a bar with his buddies every weekend while working at a fast food establishment.
- A man knows a good woman when he meets one and will take initiative to get to know her. A boy may make an attempt if you’re lucky, but gives up before ever really trying.
- A man plans for his future and is working towards building a foundation and infrastructure in order to have a family (at some point in his life). A boy lives only in the moment and his plans are mostly around which bar he’s going to hit up on the weekend.
- A man is afraid of rejection but embraces it and will put himself out there anyway. A boy is afraid of rejection and acts passive so that his pride and ego won’t ever get too banged up.
- A man knows what he wants, and goes for it. A boy may have somewhat of an idea, but not really. He doesn’t think too much about it, and even if he does, doesn’t exert much effort to get it. A boy is passive, a man is assertive.
- A man looks for a woman with intelligence, who is supportive, grounded and encompasses a shared set of values when choosing a partner. A boy cares mostly only for girls who are hot, wild and exciting.
- A man has the courage to have uncomfortable conversations. He is honest with his intentions and lets people know where they stand. A boy avoids. He ignores confrontation or any serious talks about feelings. Instead of dealing with a situation, he runs away from it or creates drama or excuses to mask the fact he’s not that into you or a relationship.
- A man takes the time to reflect on the type of man he wants to be, the example he wants to leave and the vision for his life. He has put thought into his values. A boy has not established his moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent.
- A man has integrity. He means what he says, and says what he means. He has follow through and actions his promises. And if he can’t he has the guts to tell you why. A boy makes promises but doesn’t follow through.
- A man knows when to invest in a woman and jump in with two feet. A boy is always “testing” – he doesn’t fully commit because he never knows if he is quite ready. But the truth is, because he is a boy, regardless of who he meets, he will never be ready due to the stage of life he is in.