This post is rooted from a conversation that I had a young man who has been having issues dating and has seriously considering changing who he is because he’s been known to be the “nice guy”. Despite he’s in his teenage years, this definitely can carry on over to adulthood and can be an issue.. if you let it be.
I’ve asked several women what their definition of a nice guy was and albeit the fact that they did agree on several traits, I was able to come to a conclusion that it is a relatively subjective term and sometimes it’s probably being overused. I know the nice guy (and please correct me if this is an incorrect assessment); He’s insecure, available, shy, sensitive, a pushover, puts his woman on a pedestal, passive, etc., but what about these qualities serves as a repellant to women? That’s a great question and there’s no correct answer. The best answer I can give to you is that what works for one person might not work for the rest. These qualities might actually be perfect for someone but could be a complete turn- off for someone else.
If you’ve been deemed as the “nice guy” by the women you’ve previously dated and think that there’s something wrong with you, I’m here to tell you that God is still writing your love story and to keep doing you (boo boo ::clap clap::). What are you in such a rush for though? Who cares if you finish last, this is not a competition! The person who you end up in the long term with will put you first and at the end of the day that’s all that matters. It’s obviously easier said than done but you don’t want to spend your day sulking and questioning if you should change the way you are because a couple women didn’t like certain qualities. Depending on how old you are, you’ve probably seriously dated between 5-10 women (probably being the operative word here), which is an extremely small fraction compared to how many women live in your vicinity (yet alone this world) and means that there’s more opportunities out there. There’s absolutely no need to be discouraged. Be your sincere, genuine, and “nice” self and take the time meet your perfect match. Be patient. Get to know you.
I completely understand that women want a man with a backbone and thoroughly enjoy a challenge and a chase. I get it. I really do. I’ve been that guy who has dropped everything and would’ve given the world to someone, but I’ve also been that asshole who wouldn’t give the time of day to someone and had no shame on showing it. Both those scenarios actually faired pretty well for me (fortunately), but it won’t for everyone and it won’t work every single time. Here’s the thing fellas, women are as sure at what they want as much as we are when choosing a pair of heels for a lady friend as a present. This is probably more of a “we don’t care and I want to get over this process”, rather than an uncertainty but you get where I’m going with this. On paper, it’s ideal to have a man that treats you like a goddess and gives you everything that you want but no one wants a “yes man”. It’s great for the first couple weeks or maybe even a month, but it gets old. Fast. The more important lesson that comes from this, is that as good as someone may look on paper, we don’t date someone based on how they look on paper. You either date a list or a person- not both.
Relationships are all about compatibility and there comes to a point in all of our lives (usually in our mid to late 20′s) where we begin to think about having a family and begin to question why we haven’t found our soulmate or whatever crap you want to call it. It’s fairly easy to get lost in the shuffle and begin to ask yourself an endless amount of questions once you start seeing grade school friends getting married, having kids, purchasing their first house, and so forth, but it’s important that you realize that everything happens at a different pace. Many times we start comparing ourselves to other people or compare our relationships to others but it’s imperative that you continue to tell yourself that you are the exception and not the rule. All that glitters isn’t gold. We all have personal problems and there’s always going to be something occurring in the background but you’re able to choose what’s projected to society, whether it be disclosing it to your friends in private or through a social network.
At the end of the day, can we agree that a woman wants to feel like you’re genuinely interested in her and that you’ll do anything in your power to protect her and love her unconditionally? Depending on the woman, the way she perceives this will differentiate but I think that the concept is universal regardless of the culture, language, color, etc. “Your journey to a relationship is like getting in a moving van with the intention of moving to a new city. It’s all well and good that you stopped in Indianapolis but if the point of your trip is to move to LA, it doesn’t really matter if no one there liked you does it?”